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Hey
gang, I know this is a tad out of character for me, but I'm gonna do
something on politics for a moment. Hey Stephen, I gotta borrow your
desk for a bit. Don't worry, I'll leave the quarters in the
drawer, right were you left them. ---
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For those of you who haven't
been keeping up, and I wouldn't blame you since its happening in
Washington D.C., Jason Chaffetz is introducing a bill to repeal DC's
recent gay marriage law. The representative has admitted to the press
that the bill will probably be shot down by the Democrats before it
even has a chance to be heard or voted upon, but is declaring that
this will be one of many “pronged attacks” and that the bill is
more symbolic than real. Over the course of the past year I've seen a
lot of Chaffetz, mostly unexpected because considering the topics he chooses to get himself involved in, you kinda end up asking yourself,
“why is he here right now?” I've read in a few other publications
that say Jason is actually a really big media... what's another word for
“whore” that sounds more professional? ...Harlot! Anyway,
because of the circumstance at hand and how everyone is so gung ho
about giving politicians a one-year critique, I figured I should save
myself 44 cents and write the representative here.
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Hey Jason,
I'm not trying to speak to you as a liberal to a conservative, or a
native Utahn to an acquired one, or even as a jackass writer to a
rookie paper-pusher. Let's stick to it more as a Utah citizen to a
Utah representative. ...Being in media for so long I've learned the
old Poe axiom of “Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that
you see.” Whatever your motives are behind the curtain for the push
against gay marriage in DC, I know you're going to stick to them and
ignore what I have to say, so I'm not going to waste time debating
that particular topic with you... today at least. But when you got
elected... you weren't picked to go film your own reality TV series
by candlelight from a cot in your office, as if you were on an
episode of “Survivor: DC”. And with all due respect, I get the
feeling you'd be having your torch put out by now, because Matheson
or Bishop would have sold you out after losing the Health-Care
immunity challenge in November. You were chose to represent Utah's
third district, not Washington D.C. There's a reason DC has none of
their own, and this is why. This kind of behavior makes people in
your district wonder why you were voted in at all, and causes people
to resent government for having so many representatives who get paid to
screw up. Admitting your bill is dead before it even hits the floor
makes our state as a whole look ridiculous at best and an unnecessary
voice at worst because you wasted your time and the money we pay your
salary with... for nothing.
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Do
you think sometime in between leg wrestling Stephen Colbert, calling
global warming a joke and recommending homophobic beauty queens with
low IQ's to political status, you could take a moment to think of a
good idea that benefits OUR state as a whole and not just your vested
interests? If not, maybe it was a good idea for you to take the cot
with you, because then it won't be so hard to pack up and leave in
three years. Just think about it for a second, and in the meantime,
here's some reading material to get you through the night...
your
father's book. Thanks for your time, J!