City Weekly's year-end guide to getting through the holidays and closing out those Christmas lists. 

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A handy to-read list for Utah lawmakers doubles as gift ideas for the politico bookworm in your life.
Gift Guide 2023
By Katharine Biele

Utah legislators like to carry a U.S Constitution around in their pockets, so we can assume they do read occasionally. It's not much of a stretch to say that some think they can channel the Founding Fathers—like they could activate their flux capacitors whenever they want to tell us what the FFs meant by some particular phrase.

With the legislative session around the corner in January, City Weekly has prepared a list of reading materials to help lawmakers in the Beehive State get up to speed on how government in the United States is intended to function—you know, separation of powers, civil rights, that sort of thing.

And if you're not a member of the Utah House or Senate, try checking out a few of these titles yourself. Last we checked, none of them had been banned in Utah ... yet.

Ready, Aim, Fire!
Search no further, legislators. Author Ben Sheehan is here to help, and so are we with this special holiday gift for the would-be constitutional expert. No need for a crystal ball with OMG WTF Does the Constitution Really Say?: A Non-Boring Guide to How Our Democracy Is Supposed to Work. And for those of you concerned about the "F-word," Sheehan offers a children's version. Start them young!

U.S. Sen. Mike Lee has devoted an entire section of his website to "Protecting the Second Amendment." He thinks the Supreme Court was right to say "the right to keep and bear arms" was a guarantee for individuals, not militias.

Sheehan has read the Second Amendment's text "more times than I honestly thought I would," and he's got some questions, like what does the phrase about "well-regulated" militias mean? Are we talking about just militia members owning guns?

When the Second Amendment was written, those "milita" guys were typically between 18-44, free, able-bodied and white. Oh, and there have been only six Supreme Court rulings on Second Amendment cases since 1875, and half of those have occurred since 2008. Ask yourself why.

We will talk about another book for you later when author Kurt Andersen also tackles the Constitution. Meanwhile, here is a sampling of what Andersen has to say on the subject of gun rights: "One set of fantasies—the one that recast owning guns as among the most important rights, as American liberty and individualism incarnate. During my lifetime, the love of guns has become a fetish. It is picking our pockets and definitely breaking our legs."

Sheehan also talks about the Equal Rights Amendment and the logjam that has kept it from passing. We're talking to you, legislators.

Bindings Full of Women
As long as we're on the ERA, how about reading The Republican War Against Women: An Insider's Report From Behind the Lines by Tanya Melich. Sure, it was written before the 1996 election, but you might ask yourselves how come the GOP didn't seem to pay attention?

Melich—who, by the way, has a strong Utah connection—has been a Republican Party official, worked on many GOP campaigns and co-founded the Republican Women's movement.

"The Republican Party of my youth no longer exists," she says.

What else characterized the 1996 GOP candidates? They argued that government should dictate reproductive choice, should not help with child care and should do away with Affirmative Action. Fast-forward to 2023: Done!

Speaking of women, we (maybe Amazon) are giving our legislators copies of The Turnaway Study: The Cost of Denying Women Access to Abortion by Diana Greene Foster. It comes with a complimentary wire hanger, the GOP's top choice for unlawful abortions.

The book is "the landmark study of the consequences on women's lives—emotional, physical, financial, professional, personal and psychological—of receiving versus being denied an abortion."

Legislators don't like to think about those things because it's all too messy and really doesn't concern men, who primarily are the ones writing the laws. And this book is data-driven, which typically drives Republicans away.

Dumbing Down
We also recognize that our lawmakers swoon over the late actor and president Ronald Reagan. Reagan's name is often invoked, sometimes even by liberals, to try to soften the blows of Republican governance.

That said, we're gifting legislators Andy Borowitz's now-in-paperback book Profiles in Ignorance–How America's Politicians Got Dumb and Dumber. Of the Gipper, Borowitz says, "Reagan was more responsible for the rise of ignorance than for the fall of communism."

That should get you reading. Or this. "Not so long ago, it was less than ideal for an American politician to seem like a dumbass. If a candidate's stupidity became too glaring, the consequences could be dire: derision, contempt and electoral oblivion," Borowitz writes. "In the mid-1960s, a candidate clip-clopped into town and though possessing a puny saddlebag of knowledge, stuck to a script that fooled enough of the people enough of the time. It helped that he'd spent years on Hollywood soundstages memorizing lines and performing them with spectacular sincerity, even when acting opposite a chimp. His name was Ronald Reagan, and it's in no small part thanks to him that today we can say: It's Moronic in America."

The Melting Pot
And finally—or maybe not finally—two books by Kurt Andersen, which you all should read from cover to cover, unless they have been banned at your local library. In that case, definitely try Amazon for True Believers: A Novel, and Fantasyland: How America Went Haywire—a 500-Year History.

Here's a sampling, and we're sure you will be enthralled by the reference to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: "America was created by true believers and passionate dreamers, by hucksters and their suckers—which over the course of four centuries has made us susceptible to fantasy, as epitomized by everything from Salem hunting witches to Joseph Smith creating Mormonism, from P.T. Barnum to Henry David Thoreau to speaking in tongues, from Hollywood to Scientology to conspiracy theories, from Walt Disney to Billy Graham to Ronald Reagan to Oprah Winfrey to Donald Trump."

Andersen continues: "In other words, mix epic individualism with extreme religion; mix show business with everything else; let all that steep and simmer for a few centuries ; run it through the anything-goes 1960s and the Internet age; the result is the America we inhabit today, where reality and fantasy are weirdly and dangerously blurred and commingled."

Today, many believe with all their heart that the United States was founded by Christians and should be a Christian nation—kind of like the Taliban in reverse. Some lawmakers want Utah to be an LDS-GOP haven, too. So we are suggesting lawmakers review a copy of Utah's Gerrymandered Map of Voting Districts to remind them of their success in this area.

Andersen is not a big fan of religion and how it has consumed America. "America was the dreamworld creation of fantasists, some religious and some out to get rich quick, all with a freakish appetite for the amazing. ... America was founded by a nutty religious cult. Puritans." We're not saying that Mormons are Puritans, but you get the idea.

And we are sure you have all read the Utah State Constitution, but just in case, we will send you a blurb to frame and hang on your wall.

Article I, Section 4.  [Religious liberty.]

 The rights of conscience shall never be infringed. The State shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; no religious test shall be required as a qualification for any office of public trust or for any vote at any election; nor shall any person be incompetent as a witness or juror on account of religious belief or the absence thereof. There shall be no union of Church and State, nor shall any church dominate the State or interfere with its functions. No public money or property shall be appropriated for or applied to any religious worship, exercise or instruction, or for the support of any ecclesiastical establishment.

In the spirit of the season, Utah politicians should ask themselves if their campaign flyers and social media posts should always mention LDS affiliation. We know who and what you are. Happy Holidays!

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Try these Utah stocking stuffers to gift big joy in small packages
Gift Guide 2023
By Carolyn Campbell

Gifting time can be stressful for many Utahns, but not Courtney Williams, who created her own business to bring a personal touch to promotional items like custom hats, mugs and T-shirts.

"It's my passion project," said the owner and founder of Promote It Utah (7324 Union Park Ave., Midvale, 385-557-8300, promoteitutah.com) "There is nothing like giving something to someone that makes them feel like you have thought about them."

When it comes to gifting, Williams suggests starting the process by "meaningful listening" in the company of someone you like or love.

"Pay attention to what they say in passing. It could be something as simple as being together in Target, seeing a box of stationery, and hearing them say, 'I like that,'" Williams said.

She said small gifts, such as handwritten greeting cards, can originate everywhere. "With digital communication being so common these days, writing the card by hand, sticking a stamp on it, and mailing it, can be very impactful," Williams said.

More for Less
Big gift-giving success can originate with small gifts, says Mary Lindsey, proprietress of Everything Utah (311 S. State, SLC, 801-518-0130, everythingut.com).

"Sometimes people appreciate a meaningful small gift as much as something that is over the top," Lindsey explained.

When Lindsey opened her gift and souvenir store in 2017, she aimed to showcase the Utah experience through various lenses. By reaching out to local artists and artisans, she has created a unique gift assortment that could serve as stocking stuffers or small gifts for a friend or family member. "There is no set budget for a stocking stuffer, although it's common to spend less on a stocking stuffer than a wrapped present," Lindsey said. "Generally, you can pay $10 to $50 for stocking stuffer gifts."

From custom-made travel mirrors to locally made Native American necklaces and rings to delicious food items such as local jams, chocolate and coffee, Lindsey sells many Everything Utah gifts as reasonably priced as under $10. Many others cost less than $25.

Everything Utah's signature candles come in two sizes, and the store also offers "fun little sculptures, and there's a small desert garden that would fit in a stocking."

Lindsey also noted the local minerals sold in her store, which carry "a meaning and connection to place" for outdoors recreationists. One mineral, honeycomb calcite, is a mystical stone found only in Utah's high Uinta mountains.

Legend dictates that cultivating this "powerful and romantic wishing stone calms the mind and body and manifests the owner's desires," says Lindsey, who sells the stone in various forms. She adds that honeycomb calcite is now the official Utah State stone.

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• The Store’s Wonderland

Comfort and Cheer
People love receiving small things when the giver says, "This made me think of you," confirms Lindsay Niederhauser, store manager at The Store's Wonderland (4695 Holladay Blvd., Holladay, 801-938-9802).

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• The Soap Lady

Wonderland sells local jewelry, such as colorful beaded Stax bracelets, Katie Waltman necklaces and earrings, and Made by Mary necklaces, including chokers, chains, pendants and lockets.

Other stocking stuffers Niederhauser suggests include hair clips and accessories, small satin pillowcases, and old-fashioned Red Button and Hammond's seasonal candies. Wonderland also features 100% glycerin soap from The Soap Lady (502 W. 8360 South, 385-645-4095, thesoaplady.net), a Utah family business that began in 1996.

"Our most popular products are bath bombs, soap slices and shower steamers," says Soap Lady general manager Kalena Delliskave. "With our sugar scrubs, you start with a whipped soap base and add sugar for a gentle exfoliation. Once the sugar dissolves, you have a creamy body wash made with coconut oil, Vitamin E and aloe vera oil."

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• Tabula Rasa

Tabula Rasa (Trolley Square, 602 E. 500 South, Ste. D124, SLC, 801-575-5043, tabularasastationers.com) opened in 1985 selling writing implements and paper. While pens and pencils remain fun stocking stuffers from Tabula Rasa today, store manager Eric Stewart explains that the store's current Trolley Square location now offers many more small gifts than when they first opened. As one example, Tabula Rasa sells matchbox puzzles for $6.

"There are 15 mini puzzles, each in its little matchbox," says Stewart. "They are top-notch and fun and make great little gifts."

Tabula Rasa offers French hard candy "in interesting flavors like violet, rose honey and poppy," says Stewart. Their European soaps feature unusual fragrances such as persimmon, red currant and basil lime mandarin.

"I think the thought that goes into a gift is more important than the monetary value," says Stewart.

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• Retro Betty

Blasts from the Past
Retro Betty (2327 E. 3300 South, Millcreek, 801-467-2222, retrobettyslc.com) and Cabin Fever (Trolley Square, 801-363-0828) are treasure troves of retro gifts that bring back happy memories and create present-day fun. Nostalgic stocking stuffers, especially vintage ones, give off a good feeling, says Amanda Parrish, owner of Retro Betty.

Her top 2023 seller is a Santaur ornament—a Santa with a centaur body. Her ornament inventory includes Harry Styles, Post Malone and George Michael ornaments. Feel free to accompany these with Retro Betty's old-fashioned plug-in bubble lights.

The store sells cocktail napkins with snarky sayings—like "Merry Christmas, Bitches!"—and has a hilarious assortment of gum in boxes with phrases such as "How about a pack of 'shut the hell up?'" and "Get along with your co-workers."

If you open the back cover of a comic book from the 1970s or '80s and read the advertising there, you might see the fun retro items Cabin Fever sells today. There are pet rocks, mood rings, hand buzzers, candy necklaces, Silly Putty, sea monkeys and lava lamps. They have eight flavors of Lip Lickers, a lip balm from the 1970s.

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• Cabin Fever

Cabin Fever also sells mini-versions of toys from the past, such as Stretch Armstrong and the Operation game.

"We have a huge array of blown glass ornaments and humorous socks," says David Owens, an employee. "One woman's sock says, 'I will support you like an underwire bra.'" He adds that all Cabin Fever merchandise—from the mood lipstick to the red Fortune Teller Fish that bends in your hand—is hand-curated by employees within the store.

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• Shadow Breeze

"Thoughtful gifting allows you to build and strengthen the important relationships in your life," says Matt Graham, co-founder of Shadow Breeze (695 N. Kays Drive, Ste. 5, Kaysville, 844- 994-4387, shadowbreeze.com), a corporate and consumer gifting company focused on gift design and personalization. "Often, the sentiment behind the gift matters more than the gift itself."

Stocking stuffers are undersize, usually inexpensive presents that fill the "this made me think of you" list. Their description varies among many adjectives; some are humorous, some are cute and some are useful.

Whatever their genre, they'll make your giftee's days a bit happier even after the holiday season is over.