Dems Want Nudist Colonies for Middle Schools 

Breaking News—Since savvy Republicans put a stake in the heart of Critical Race Theory, whatever that is, Democrats have shifted gears and now propose hands-on sex education for children 13 and older. This has come as a shock to Virginia and Utah voters who complain that Democrats are elitists who watch too many chimpanzee documentaries on PBS.

Utah Sen. Mike Lee decried the proposition, saying it would "weaponize nudity." Rep. Chris Stewart agreed but said Lee's choice of words, "weaponize nudity," should not be taken out of context by CNN and MSNBC, known epidermis lovers. "We've already had one sexual revolution," Stewart said, "and look where it got us."

State Sen. Lincoln Fillmore told the Utah Daughters of Pioneers that just because kids were born naked is no reason to teach them about sex and the other depravity Democrats push on unsuspecting children—like that fact that much of the South, including Washington, D.C., was built by black slaves, who, parenthetically, were fully dressed except when the master came to visit their young daughters. Folks are riled up at Democrats for messing with children, said GOP strategist Christopher Rufo, which is great because now we don't have to deal with the real issues.

After Ivermectin Aaron Rogers Plays Like an Animal
Looks like the cat, or Aaron Rogers, is totally out of the bag. He's "in the crosshairs of the woke mob" news media, he whined after saying he was "immunized" when he was, in fact, not "vaccinated." Liar, liar pants on fire.

The Green Bay quarterback and three-time NFL MVP is in isolation after testing positive for COVID-19. The world cringed as Rogers tried to explain his way out of the deception. "I did not lie," he pouted. Rogers said he met with podcaster and part-time witch doctor Joe Rogan, who prescribed ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine mixed up in a large bowl of chicken's blood. "Why do people hate ivermectin (the animal parasite medicine)," Rogers asked while adjusting his Nikes on his hooves.

After 17 years with the Packers, some pundits believed he was at the end of his career. But suddenly Rogers was running like a 23-year-old and throwing the pigskin like never before. Sports pundits are wondering if there could be more than training that gives him new, animal-like strength.The future Hall-of-Famer chalked it up to his sexy, movie star fiance Shailene Woodley and the testosterone jelly he spreads on his morning toast. Rogers also said he feared the vaccine could make his game go limp and a Hail Mary could be very embarrassing.

Big Lie is Big Money for Fox and Murdoch
Fox News' latest reported quarterly earnings were $3.22 billion (for real). The network is now Rupert Murdoch's biggest cash cow as his British tabloid empire keeps shrinking in the aftermath of a scandal involving eavesdropping on cell phone voicemails. The News of the World, once the world's largest selling newspaper, closed and Murdoch's other tabloids were eviscerated—in 2020 they lost $280 million.

As Trump began to set up the Big Lie leading up to the election, reactionary networks Newsmax and One America News were stealing Fox viewers. But as Murdoch and company embraced the Big Lie, it reeled them back in with nonstop conspiracy tantrums by Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, et al. According to the New York Times, Murdoch's news outlets have pushed events to the right, such as advocating for the U.S. to invade Iraq, undermining efforts to combat climate change and vilifying people of color as threats to a white majority. "Republicans originally thought that Fox worked for us," said David Frum, a speechwriter for George W. Bush, "Now we're discovering we work for Fox."

No doubt Trump would not have been elected in 2016 without Fox. How far will the Trump/Fox symbiosis go with the Big Lie and other Trump truths? Stay tuned.

Postscript—Well folks, that's it for another week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of the Muppets so you don't have to. Sen. Ted "Cancun" Cruz is burning-ass mad now that Big Bird got vaccinated and told kids to get the shot, too. Cruz called Big Bird a propagandist. Let that sink in.

Speaking of propaganda, Trumpers have a new way of saying, "F— Joe Biden." Brandon Brown won a recent NASCAR race and during his TV interview afterward the crowd could be overheard chanting "F— Joe Biden." NBC Sports reporter Kelli Stavast told Brown they were chanting, "Let's go Brandon." You'll be hearing "Let's Go Brandon" a lot.

Here are more highlights: Gun totin' Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert voted against a family leave provision, saying she gave birth in a pickup. Missouri Sen. Josh Hawley said liberals' attacks on manhood are driving men to pornography and video games. Georgia Rep. Majorie Taylor Greene said the patriots who overran the Capitol on Jan. 6 are locked up in the "Patriot Wing'' of a D.C. jail and are being "tortured" and "reeducated." And finally this: Hundreds of QAnon freaks gathered in Dallas waiting for John F. Kennedy, and his son John F. Kennedy Jr., to appear and help Donald Trump reclaim office. LET'S GO DONALD!

Well Wilson, it's getting to the point where weird and scary is the new normal. That's what drove Timothy Leary to say, "Tune in. Turn on. And drop out." The guys in the band don't need much convincing but maybe you've got a little something to soothe our shaken psyches and remind us that things at rest tend to stay at rest (props to Newton):

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
And calls me on and on across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva...
"Across The Universe"—The Beatles