Embryo donation and other blends of fertilization and adoption help Utah couples to expand their families. | Cover Story | Salt Lake City Weekly

January 29, 2025 News » Cover Story

Embryo donation and other blends of fertilization and adoption help Utah couples to expand their families. 

Paths to Parenthood

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COVER ART COURTESY OF ALEC FOWLER AND BLAKE MCDOUGAL
  • Cover art courtesy of Alec Fowler and Blake McDougal

Chandler and Jennifer Turley almost gave up on having a child. They had hoped for a baby ever since marrying seven years ago. Yet it didn't happen.

For six years, the Turleys pursued infertility treatments. Jennifer underwent several rounds of intrauterine insemination (IUI)—a simpler, lower-cost alternative to in vitro fertilization (IVF)—and finally became pregnant.

One month later, Jennifer had a miscarriage. "It was super exciting," Chandler Turley said. "And then it was taken away and gone."

The Turleys met with adoption agencies. Jennifer, who was adopted herself, felt that her own experience had been wonderful. But they discovered the cost was likely to be at least $40,000. While the agencies mentioned possible grants, the price still seemed too steep.

The Turleys visited another fertility specialist, who explained that a round of IVF would cost about $20,000, and their likelihood of pregnancy was roughly a 7% to 10% chance.

But a few moments later, the doctor suggested another option. He told the Turleys that if they used a donated embryo, the likelihood of success could be 50%. And the cost was about one-fourth the cost of traditional IVF, which includes egg stimulation, retrieval, fertilization and transfer.

"For us, it was a no-brainer," Chandler Turley said.

Infertility can have profound emotional effects on both individuals and couples; the inability to have a baby can feel like a significant emotional loss, said Dr. Rana Jawish, an assistant professor at the University of Utah's Huntsman Mental Health Institute. She added that, sometimes, couples without children can feel isolated or stigmatized. Feelings of shame or guilt can accompany the isolation.

After exploring fertility options, Jennifer and - Chandler Turley opted to - pursue a donated embryo, leading to the birth of their daughter, Drew Charlotte. - COURTESY PHOTO
  • Courtesy photo
  • After exploring fertility options, Jennifer and Chandler Turley opted to pursue a donated embryo, leading to the birth of their daughter, Drew Charlotte.

"It's hard to socialize around other couples with kids," Jawish said. "There can be blame within the couple's relationship over who is responsible."

The Turleys added their name to a waiting list and one year later, it reached the top. They learned they would receive profiles from three pairs of embryo donors to review and decide on. Like the donor files that accompany the adoption of a child, the Turleys were able to see the likes and dislikes, health history and educational background of the couples whose embryo might help them to be parents.

The Turleys liked that one couple resembled them culturally, because the male donor was Cuban and the female was Caucasian. Jennifer Turley is Guatemalan, and Chandler Turley is Caucasian.

The Turleys ultimately selected four embryos, preserving the option to give their future baby a biological sibling someday. A doctor transferred one of the embryos into Jennifer's uterus. Thirty-six weeks later, Chandler received an urgent phone call from Jennifer while headed to Idaho for work.

"I think I'm in labor," she said.

After 24 hours of labor—including a rush-in for a C-section—the Turley's baby was here. She was gorgeous with a full head of dark hair and grayish-blue eyes.

They named her Drew Charlotte Turley—after Jennifer's dad. Chandler Turley said that Drew's first cry will always be monumental in his memory.

And on January 3, the Turleys' world came crashing down again. Baby Drew was rushed to Primary Children's Hospital in critical condition, where doctors diagnosed the child with leukemia. She will be hospitalized for several months. A friend of the family established a GoFundMe fundraiser and, after the miracle of Drew's birth, they wait and hope for a second miracle to extend her life.

Case by Case
Dr. Kristi Maas, a fertility specialist, said the emotional distress of infertility can be comparable to a major diagnosis like cancer. "There's very often personal shame that they don't share with friends or family," she said.

Maas helps a wide range of patients, using a variety of treatment methods. In one case, tests showed that a man wasn't producing sperm. But with the assistance of a urologist they were able to extract sperm directly from the man's testicles and fertilize eggs extracted from his partner to create embryos.

"This will help this couple meet their goal of having two or three children," she said.

In another case, she treated a 44-year-old patient in perimenopause with a low egg supply. By using a donated egg from another woman, fertilized with sperm from the patient's male partner, they achieved a successful pregnancy. A third patient with polycystic ovarian syndrome—in which the ovaries do not release eggs—was able to get pregnant after a round of medication.

Maas said those are examples of the different circumstances her patients encounter, and that options exist for many of those experiencing infertility.

"With most people, we can [achieve a pregnancy] through donated eggs, sperm or surrogates," Maas said. "Even if we can't create a diagnosis or a baby, going through the treatment can provide closure."

Jawish said it is an aspect of biology for humans to have children; the scientific reason is to pass on genes.

She added that having children can also fill many emotional needs. The child they conceive gives parents a sense of purpose in guiding a new life, which can be incredibly fulfilling.

"Your unconditional love toward your offspring is rewarding; seeing them growing and achieving milestones gives parents a sense of accomplishment," she said. "Even if your child is struggling, you love them no matter what—there's a sense of satisfaction to give this kind of love to someone in your life."

She said having a child can also strengthen the social bonds that a person feels toward their partner and toward the larger community. "You connect through sports, school activities, or other enjoyable pursuits—a source of satisfaction."

And for cases where fertilization fails to result in a pregnancy, or isn't a viable solution, Jawish said that traditional adoption can help couples or individuals who are struggling to fill those needs, while also helping many children and infants who are in dire need.

Sandi Quick, director at Brighter Adoptions in Layton, agreed, saying that adoption can help to heal many different kinds of wounds.

"In a perfect world, adoption would not be necessary," she said. "People who didn't want to get pregnant would not get pregnant, and people who wanted to have babies would be able to."

Quick has facilitated more than 700 adoptions over 25 years. She said misperceptions persist, and that today's process looks a bit different than people might imagine. Quick wants prospective adoptive parents to pursue the idea with their eyes open.

"Today's birth mom isn't the cheerleader who never had a beer and became pregnant by the football quarterback," she said. "Because today's single moms have other options besides adoption, many who choose adoption are [experiencing] high needs."

The parents responding to an unwanted pregnancy may be experiencing homelessness, or substance abuse and addiction. They may be victims of domestic violence.

"Those moms need the help we provide," Quick said. "Their children are worthy and wonderful and deserve to be adopted into a loving home."

Alec Fowler (left) and Blake McDougal (right) with their children. - COURTESY PHOTO
  • Courtesy photo
  • Alec Fowler (left) and Blake McDougal (right) with their children.

More Family to Love
Quick has coordinated adoptions for moms of every childbearing age, including a mom who was 44 years old. "She thought she was having menopause and then found out she was pregnant," Quick said. "She was already a grandmother and didn't want to start over."

She pointed out that this older birth mom's issues weren't financial, and she wasn't abusing substances.

This woman's adult children supported her decision, Quick said. They remain very involved with the family that adopted their mom's baby.

"She had a pretty put-together life but was very career-focused," she said. "It was not the time to have a child."

Quick said she has only worked with two moms who preferred not to disclose their names to an adoptive family. They went by initials.

"In a closed situation, it's usually a mom who has had a lot of trauma and is probably a victim of domestic violence," Quick said. "She doesn't want anyone to know who she is."

Today, all Brighter Adoptions placements are open, in that birth moms and adoptive parents have met and probably remain in contact.

"We think it's best for the child to know where they came from and to have that relationship, if that's what the mom wants," Quick said. "We tell parents that the more people who love the baby, the better. "

Along with recommending open adoption, Brighter Adoptions also suggests adoptive parents be open with an adopted child about his history.

"We encourage adoptive families to tell their baby's birth story from moment one," she said. "It's never a time—[like] when they're 8 years old—that you sit them down and tell them they were adopted."

Quick herself has three adopted children. She said each know their personal birth story and the names of their own and each other's birth mothers.

"They know that Kyrie came from Amira's tummy, and Nykee came from Ebony's tummy," Quick said. "We pray for those moms and are so grateful for each of them."

Quick knows of one birth mother who later got married in the backyard of her child's adoptive family. Her son was the ring bearer.

"She is absolutely a part of that family," Quick said. "We have many stories where they don't just adopt the baby but also the mama. "

Modern adoptions cost between $40,000 and $80,000, Quick said, depending on the needs of the birth mom. She explained that her agency finances about 60% of their adoptions with the help of grants.

Some employers offer in-house grants to help grow their employees' families. For example, Starbucks offers eligible "partners" (workers) their Family Expansion Reimbursement program, designed to assist employees with growing their families through adoption or surrogacy for certain expenses not covered through health insurance.

According to Angele Busch, senior manager of Starbucks Corporate Communications, all benefits-eligible partners can apply for reimbursement of eligible adoption and non-medical surrogacy expenses up to a lifetime maximum of $40,000 per partner.

"Many employees choose Starbucks for its benefits, including those that support them in growing their families in various ways," Busch said. Aside from the financial aspects, Quick feels that the benefits for the adopted children are exponential.

"Having two parents and not worrying about where their next meal is coming from is definitely positive for these babies," she said.

Quick feels that people who oppose adoption view the issue from varying viewpoints. Some are very opposed to a child becoming separated from a birth mother.

"Others focus on the sadness a birth mom might go through," she continued. "Sometimes, I think people get preoccupied with the details of the tragedy around the unplanned pregnancy."

Allie Middleton, a mother of two, says she has a grandparent-esque relationship with the two surrogate children she carried for friends.
  • Allie Middleton, a mother of two, says she has a grandparent-esque relationship with the two surrogate children she carried for friends.

Biological Clocks
While Allie Middleton and Blake McDougal were classmates at Alta High School, neither could predict they would share a unique personal connection someday.

Remaining in touch after high school, Middleton and her husband joined McDougal and his friend Alec Fowler for a double-date at The Porcupine Pub and Grill, and the Middletons could sense the powerful chemistry between the two movie-star-handsome men.

"This is the end game for Blake," Middleton thought.

The two men met on Tinder in 2017. On their first date, they discovered a significant common interest—they both wanted kids. They dated for two years and married in June of 2019 and started the process of becoming parents soon after.

At first, they weren't sure whether to choose adoption or surrogacy. Talking with couples who took each route, they chose surrogacy.

"We didn't think we could mentally cope with a child being taken away [in case an adoption failed]," Fowler said.

In March of 2020, "right before the world shut down," they started the embryo creation process at Utah Fertility Clinic. They chose an anonymous donor. Artificial insemination placed half of the donor eggs with Alec's sperm and half with Blake's.

"We were lucky enough to end up with 13 healthy embryos," Fowler said.

Even as they prepared to become dads, the two men enjoyed married life. They traveled often and also searched for a house for their future family. They invited the Middletons to dinner at their new home.

"Our two kids were there, and we talked about babies," Middleton said. "Alec and Blake said they didn't want to be too far behind their other friends who were married and had children."

At the time, Middleton was a mother of two children facing her own parenting dilemma. She was deciding whether to have another child. Then, her childcare provider texted that she was pregnant and would not be caring for other families' children after her own baby was born.

"When she texted, I didn't think I would be getting pregnant," Middleton said. "She had watched my kids for 5 or 6 years. As a mom, concern about child care affects every decision you make."

Still, Middleton felt confused about experiencing feelings of looking forward to having another baby. After dinner with the Fowlers, her feelings became apparent and she realized she was yearning to have another child because she was meant to carry her friends' baby.

"I felt like I had more to give," she said, "but I didn't want to be a mother again."

Middleton carried two children for the couple—a son they named Halston, followed by their daughter, a girl they called Frankie. She sees the family at least once a month.

Middleton said her feelings toward the two kids today are comparable to a grandmother and grandchild. And after having the two babies for the men, she felt it was time to close that chapter of her life and move on.

"Honestly, I'm relieved I did my part—but now it's their turn," she said. "My biological clock has struck midnight."

Today, people write to Maas to say she has helped them achieve their childhood dreams.

"Seeing my patients complete their families has been some of the most beautiful, gratifying moments of my entire life," Maas said. "Seeing parents hold the child they have tried so hard for in their arms is incredibly heartwarming."

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About The Author

Carolyn Campbell

Carolyn Campbell

Bio:
Campbell has been writing for City Weekly since the 1980s. Her insightful pieces have won awards from the Society of Professional Journalists chapters in Utah and Colorado.

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