Hey Wilson, have you seen any man buns around lately? It's the new thing for hipsters and cool cats.
But the staff here at Smart Bomb can't figure out why it's called a “man bun,” because it looks just like a woman bun. Either men are wearing woman buns or women are wearing man buns. It's the weirdest thing.
Maybe it is like the '60s, when guys grew their hair long and got beat up in bars. Man buns are one of those fashion things like pierced noses that kinda stand out.
In times gone by, bullfighters would wear small, little buns just above their neck as part of their elaborate costumes that included pink stocking and garter belts. We are not making this up. But most hipsters don't wear pink stockings and garter belts. They wear v-neck tees and skinny jeans and big boots and carry leather jackets.
And their man buns are destroying civilization, says Caroline D'Agati, writing in The Federalist. The man bun “has become the petty rebellion of millennial men who refuse to grow up and buy into society.”
So dig this, you can now buy clip-on man buns. One ad says: For one “Who Wears Many Hats, but No Bun.” So hey, you're going to a trendy bar, so you clip on your man-bun so the chicks will dig you. Caution: if you do get lucky be careful or you could be exposed as a bun poseur. Shit.
Supreme Court: Here’s Our Ethics Code, so Shut Up
The justices, for the first time in history, have set down an ethics code for the high court. It had nothing to do with a slew of news reports that some of them had differing views of disclosure, undue influence, currying favor, bribery and gifts.
Here are the high points of the new code:
—Don't take lavish vacations from billionaires unless you really need to get away to Monaco, the Riviera or Fiji.
—Don't accept gifts, like $250,000 motor homes, unless you really crave road trips.
—If you took a lavish trip paid for by a billionaire friend who later came before the court, you should recuse yourself unless you want to repay the favor.
—When hanging out with billionaires at their posh estates, make sure you don't end up on Instagram or Facebook.
—If a weird conspiracy group pays your wife a lot of money and then submits a legal brief to the court, just say you didn't know about it because you don't talk to your wife.
—Report all gifts except food, lodging, entertainment, travel, diamond rings or pendants, houses for relatives, vehicles and country club memberships.
There, that should satisfy all those nasty critics and reinforce the notion that the Supreme Court is above reproach. God bless America.
The Pied Piper of Vermin
Well Wilson, the vermin must be getting nervous now that The Once and Future King vowed to “root out” those slimy “communists, Marxists, fascists and the radical left thugs that live like vermin within the confines of our country.” According to Merriam Webster, vermin are “small common harmful or objectionable animals (such as lice or fleas) that are difficult to control.”
Trump's threat scared the bejusus out of just about everyone who doesn't wear a MAGA cap. That's because “vermin” is what Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini called Jews, Poles, Communists and others who they wanted to eliminate. Of course, The Great Orange One knows this, but he is pissed off big time.
Listen to this: “I would like to see [New York Attorney General] Letitia James and Judge Engoron [who presides over Trump's $250 million fraud trial] placed under citizen's arrest for blatant election interference and harassment.” That's a green light for MAGAites to take law into their own hands.
What's screwy is that most of the rest of Republicans want Trump back at the White House, too. And there's no reason he can't be president from prison, they say, although they don't have Big Macs there. He's the Pied Piper of the GOP and he loves to throw them red meat. Who are the vermin, really?
Postscript—That's a wrap for another week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of hippos in Colombia so you don't have to. As you may suspect. the huge beasts are not indigenous to South America—or anywhere in the Americas, period.
But the late drug kingpin Pablo Escobar brought four of them to his vast estate, Hacienda Nápoles, in the 1980s. Now, 30 years after Escobar's death, 170 of the voracious herbivores are roaming around endangering the local ecosystem, displacing other animals and munching down plant species.
Biologists say their population could grow to 1,000 by 2035. What to do? Colombian officials say they are going to surgically sterilize them—a tricky undertaking since they weigh up to three tons. Good luck with that.
Closer to home, Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake City has lost its African Elephants to Kansas City, and the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. had to return three giant pandas to China. That's sad but we know where they can get a good deal on some hippos.
Speaking of huge, dangerous animals, Donald Trump bragged in Iowa recently that he had a disease named after him. “Trump Derangement Syndrome” is a derogatory term aimed at people who criticize Trump. “It's quite an honor,” he boasted. Very presidential, indeed.
It's getting scary out there, Wilson. Trump is giving the green light to the MAGA brown shirts. Antisemitism is on the rise, as is Islamophobia. Fear and loathing are in the air. We're still a year out from the 2024 election and the sabers are rattling like thunder.
You and the guys in the band must have an anthem for this mean, crazy time. So hit it, Wilson:
I see the bad moon a-rising
I see trouble on the way
I see earthquakes and lightning
I see bad times today
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise I hear hurricanes a-blowing
I know the end is coming soon
I fear rivers overflowing
I hear the voice of rage and ruin Don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise Hope you got your things together
Hope you are quite prepared to die
Looks like we're in for nasty weather
One eye is taken for an eye Well, don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise
Don't come around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise
“Bad Moon Rising”—Creedence Clearwater Revival