Matt Gaetz and Tim Ballard are babies thrown out with the bathwater 

Hey Wilson, guess what? The government didn't shut down, after all. Nobody knows exactly why, because no one can figure out what the hell is going on.

In May, the Biden Administration worked out an agreement with House Speaker Kevin McCarthy to avoid a government shutdown. But McCarthy went back on the deal 'cause Florida firebrand Matt “Baby” Gaetz and a dozen crazies wanted to shut down the government to prove a point. What point? Don't ask silly questions.

Baby Gaetz showed McCarthy he was serious by spitting in his face and calling him a pussy. To which McCarthy retorted, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but spit will never hurt me.” Well, not exactly.

In order to win the Speaker's seat, McCarthy promised Gaetz and his band of MAGAttes that if he didn't do what they wanted they could pants him. So McCarthy did as they said, but they pantsed him anyway.

Then McCarthy did something completely unexpected, he compromised with Democrats. WTF! In doing so, he threw Baby Gaetz out with the bathwater, leaving him dripping with spite, absent his signature skunk-eating-garlic grin. An angry Baby Gaetz promised retribution and he got it on Oct 3 in Shakespeare-style as he led a revolt that ousted McCarthy from the Speaker's chair. Et tu Brute!

Don’t Like Homeless People? Sue ‘Em
Those damn homeless people are at it again—they're creating a nuisance on streets, sidewalks and public parks, according to a recent lawsuit, and it's all Salt Lake City's fault. “Salt Lake City [read: Mayor Erin Mendenhall] has adopted a policy of inviting and fostering vagrancy, public camping, public urination, public defecation and the public use of illegal drugs on its property….”

What's wrong with you, Salt Lake City? Why can't you fix homelessness? Maybe they should sue San Francisco, too, and L.A., San Diego, Denver, New York City, Burlington, VT ... heck, why not just sue the whole damn country?

There are one million homeless people in this country—in 1980 there was only a tiny fraction of that. Here at Smart Bomb we just call it “Reaganomics”: quit spending money on the social safety net and affordable housing; cut taxes on the wealthy and money will just trickle down. A rising tide floats all boats and homeless people will just float away or drown.

You're right Wilson, maybe we should sue the bastards who set up this economic system that makes the rich richer and the poor poorer 'cause Congress sure as hell isn't going to do anything about it. Or we could send the homeless away somewhere, like the Reagan National Library in Simi Valley, California. Call it The Grapes of Wrath.

LDS Church: Tim Ballard is a Bad, Bad Boy
Well, there goes Tim Ballard's Temple Recommend. That's a bummer for the would-be Mormon hero, especially if he's planning a run for the U.S. Senate.

As you will recall, Ballard invented Operation Underground Railroad (OUG), a nonprofit claiming to fight sex trafficking. IRS tax filings for 2021 show that OUG had $82.1 million in assets against $1.38 million in liabilities. Not bad work if you can get it. You guys seen any sex trafficking around here? Maybe you'd like to make a contribution.

Ballard was big and getting bigger after Sound of Freedom—a movie based on his heroic work—became a box office smash. Utah A.G. Sean Reyes was one of Ballard's biggest fans and went undercover with him in Colombia to flush out traffickers and save girls, or so the story goes. But now Shifty Sean is backing away from Ballard and won't endorse him for the Senate since several women complained that Tim made inappropriate advances.

Tim also bragged that LDS Apostle M. Russell Ballard was central to his business dealings. President Ballard did what? Oops, you screwed up, Tim. He has stepped down as CEO of OUR, which is too bad 'cause rescuing trafficked girls is such a good gig. But that's peanuts compared to a Temple Recommend. Eternity can be such a long time.

Postscript—That's about it for another fun-filled week here at Smart Bomb, where we read banned books so you don't have to. OK Wilson, do you remember in junior high the big hit that was Henry Miller's Tropic of Cancer? French people actually did that? Did our parents know? How could they? And no, Tropic of Cancer was not in the school library.

As the paperback made its rounds, all the good parts got underlined. That was cool 'cause it saved a lot of time. Those sultry James Bond books were popular, too. The dude knew how to work it. Where did Ian Fleming get that stuff? We obviously had a lot to learn. And then there was The Diary of Anaïs Nin. Holy smokes. Girls were thinking that, too? OMG!

Banning books is hip again. Some parents and MAGA mobs are ripping books out of libraries and screaming at school boards and librarians intent on turning children into sex fiends or homosexuals or communists. Yes Wilson, it is reminiscent of the "War on Drugs." Don't want college students to smoke pot? Easy, just outlaw it. Don't want teenagers to know how the French have sex? Easy, just ban books. Right. Don't want middle school kids turning gay? Easy, just ban And Tango Makes Three, Beyond Magenta and Captain Underpants. Take that, Satan!

Well Wilson, it's just too bad Sean Reyes and Tim Ballard had to break up. They were such a great couple, going around the world in disguise to get them sex traffickers and save all them girls and then telling everybody how cool they were. It's just too bad—a shame, really. So what do you and the guys in the band have that might help with the big breakup:

I don't care if you never come home
I don't mind if you just keep on
Rowing away on a distant sea
'Cause I don't love you and you don't love me

I don't care if you never come home
I don't mind if you just keep on
Rowing away on a distant sea
'Cause I don't love you and you don't love me
“Promises”—Eric Clapton