Narcissism and Lies 

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The principal had a stern look on his face, and the 11-year-old, Scott-Farkus-the-bully look-alike was being held to task.

"This is very serious. A kid is hurt—he's probably going to need stitches—and you were involved."

Kid: "He's lying; I never laid a finger on him. He's always trying to get me into trouble. This is how it happened and I swear to God it's true—he tripped over his desk, and now he's saying I pushed him."

The back-and-forth accusations and denials continue for almost an hour and, after lie upon monotonous lie, there's finally a reluctant admission. The bully only confesses because he realizes he's about to miss the lunch hour. There's certainly no remorse—he's incapable of that—but he's not going to go hungry.

Hundreds of similar stories play out in our nation's elementary schools every day, and the outcomes, at least to seasoned school administrators, are a predictable conclusion.

The reality is that minutes or hours of interrogation usually have a way of unlocking truth, even for some of the most devious people, and that human nature does dictate that most school kids will eventually "fess up" to whatever mischief they've done.

Ah, yes, but that's the way that normal people predictably behave. I don't know about you, but I grew up being taught—and believing—that every human being is, down deep, essentially good and valuable. But, experience has taught me that there are definitely some exceptions. I have had to force myself to do something I never considered in my younger years—I've had to accept that some people are just plain bad.

The professionals have written books on the subject of lying, and they've shouted warnings about how to avoid relationships with those for whom the rules simply don't apply. The consensus is that a certain percentage of the population embraces lies and cannot find the decency to feel even the slightest guilt about their deviant ways. To be more specific, sociopaths, psychopaths and, particularly, toxic narcissists are estimated to be as much as 10% of the total population. Serial rapists, killers, fraudsters—and a fair share of our nation's politicians—are the most visible representatives of these essentially-heartless people. Sadly, the world is replete with these—what can only be described as—incomplete semi-humans, people without any moral substance.

That's a very disturbing observation, because humankind, businesses, governments, personal relationships and social organizations can't possibly function without some basic assumption of truth and trust. It also means that the average person, one with a sense of conscience and responsibility, must always remain wary that a finger-pointing, gaslighting monster can be lurking just about anywhere.

Sadly, we have to consider the world a jungle. That's really what it is, with dangerous creatures ready to pounce, unexpectedly, from any direction.

Narcissists are interested in only one thing: They are actually fragile, insecure and perpetually scared that their real selves will be exposed. Discovery is what they fear most, and they'll do almost anything to make sure their true identities remain hidden.

Because a narcissist has neither a conscience nor empathy, lying at the expense of others comes naturally. It is no skin off their backs to avoid culpability by making the other person the bad guy, and they will feel no guilt when the other person takes the fall. That's really sad, because so many people have been injured by the incessant, pathological lies of toxic narcissists and, undoubtedly, there have been a significant number of criminal convictions, imprisonments and even executions, because bearing false witness is the specialty of these truly sick people.

While narcissists probably break all 10 of the commandments and can't even fathom the concept of The Golden Rule, bearing false witness is their most predictable offense. They are known as "flamers," gas-lighters and pathological liars. Because they have no underlying moral substance, they learn, only through watching normal people, how to act and how to feign the illusion of decency and morality. Many become experts.

Discovery is the narcissists' only real fear in life, and that means that to have any kind of relationship with one requires others to support and "feed" the narcissistic ego. One cannot be honest with a narcissist because any mention of something that doesn't agree with the image they wish to project sends them into a frenzy and exposes their worst side. The mere mention of the word "introspection" causes them a sense of desperation and they will dearly hurt anyone who tries to force them to look at the mess inside.

The sad thing is that Narcissistic Personality Disorder is believed to come from some deep emotional trauma in childhood, so everyone is inclined to forgive, understanding that it's not really their fault. The fact is, narcissism cannot be cured and, like rattlesnakes, there is ultimately no way to believe, realistically, that you can be close-up and personal with one without being bitten.

If this "short treatise" on narcissism doesn't remind you of someone, your mind is not completely engaged. Starting with a campaign that focused most on bearing false witness against his competitors and ending up with a lie that never goes away—it only grows like a snowball being rolled across the back yard—the former Narcissist-in-chief continues to gaslight and accuse in his attempt to recover his control.

Deluded by the notion that no fair election could result in him being discarded by the American people, he continues to rely on the ill-informed, uneducated and stupid in his desperate quest to regain his power. His reasoning is always the same: If we keep adding up zeroes, eventually the sum will grow or, in other words, repeating a lie can somehow make it true.

Let's face it children, audits and courts have all come up with the same answer: He's not your president, and he's certainly not mine.

Unable to accept his multiple popular-vote defeats, Trump has nothing but the Big Lie to comfort him in the latest of his lifelong failures. It's a given that he doesn't have control of his problem. Hopefully, the Jan. 6 committee and an upcoming rash of criminal indictments will end his reign of terror.

The important thing to remember, America, is that there's no excuse for assisting him in that lie. If we do, we are offering up America to its enemies and risking the failure of our country's democratic foundation.

Truth—not the Big Lie—is our only hope.

The author is a retired businessman, novelist, columnist, and former Vietnam-era Army assistant public information officer. He resides in Riverton with his wife, Carol, and the beloved ashes of their mongrel dog.