Pentagon pizza index? Something’s up! 

Hey Wilson, get this: At about 7 p.m. on Thursday, June 12, @PentagonPizzaReport on X (formerly Twitter) noted that most pizzerias in Arlington, Va. within a mile of the Pentagon were “busier than usual” on Google Maps. One hour later, bombs were raining down on Iran. Coincidence? Not exactly.

Here at Smart Bomb, our crack staff is just finding out about this—but Soviet agents have been counting pizza deliveries to the Pentagon since 1990, when Iraq invaded Kuwait. Asked about the Pentagon Pizza Report, the Department of Defense had no comment. But Secretary of State Marco Rubio said the U.S. was not involved in the attack on Iran despite the huge pizza deliveries that continued through the night.

"You can't bank a war call on a pizza," said one defense analyst, "but if the Pentagon is burning the midnight oil and feeding everybody, it deserves a second look."

That's right Wilson, pizza is good any time of day. And yes, we know leftover pizza for breakfast is one of the band's favorites, not to mention it's got almost all the necessary food groups.

That said, who was counting pizza deliveries to the White House? Or were they counting McDonald's Big Mac deliveries? Do White House staffers order Big Deal Meals in response to major events on the world stage?

Earlier this year, a news photographer caught RFK, Jr. chomping down McDonald's with the president and Don Jr. on Air Force One. Ever wonder what's in that Big Mac secret sauce? It might cause autism.

U of U Endorses Israel’s Annexation of West Bank Taylor Randall, the seemingly brilliant president of the University of Utah, signed a memorandum of understanding (MOU) with Ariel University, an Israeli school in the West Bank, Palestinian territory. Well Wilson, we have no idea why he would do that—the symbolism smacks you right in the face.

Hardliners in Israel have been champing at the bit to annex the West Bank. The MOU lists Ariel University as being located in Israel. What? Maybe Randall is so busy redesigning the university's footprint that he doesn't have time to stay up on Middle East conflicts. Or maybe he's spending so much time trying to keep the university's faculty in line that it's lost on him that the Palestinians and Israelis aren't getting along too well.

The faculty must be a rowdy bunch—Taylor's always reminding them what they can and can't talk about. Kids will be kids. But we digress.

Israel was established in 1948 by a U.N. Resolution that defined the boundaries of the Jewish state, which was carved out of Palestine. In the end, some 725,000 Palestinians were driven from their homes and property. Since then, it's been one conflict after another. Maybe nobody told Randall.

Gaza, of course, has gone to hell. And things aren't so nice in the West Bank, either, where so-called Israeli settlers are systematically and violently driving Palestinians from their homes. It's' not a pretty sight.

So why would Randall sign an MOU and put the University of Utah right in the middle of that historic tragedy? Maybe he missed his meds. Who knows.

We Love a Parade—A Nice Big One With Military Tanks and Stuff The Donald's big birthday parade has come and gone. There were canons firing, parachutists dropping from the sky, marching robotic dogs, soldiers dressed in uniforms from the Revolutionary War, Civil War and World War I, marching bands, helicopters and 128 Army tanks.

A fabulous show of military might. So nice. And it only cost $45 million.

Of course, there are always frowny faces—6 in 10 Americans disapproved of the parade. Sadly, the predicted crowd of 200,000 didn't materialize. There were many empty seats along the parade route.

Perhaps the weather forecast calling for thunder storms kept people away? It didn't keep protestors away. We hope the “No Kings” demonstrations in more than 2,000 cities that brought out some 5 million Americans didn't dampen Trump's spirits.

There were 7,000 Marines on display, but they were in L.A. protecting the Federal Building from Angelenos protesting ICE raids in the city's garment district and across the country. The National Guard was in L.A., too, despite California Gov. Gavin Newsom's disapproval.

And the governor had some thoughts on Trump's parade, too: “Trump’s parade is nothing more than a vulgar demonstration of just how weak he is. It’s the kind of thing you see with Kim Jong Un, or Vladimir Putin—dictators around the world that are weak and desperate. It’s as small as it gets. But that’s Donald Trump.”

Well, you can't please all the people all the time. Happy Birthday Mr. President.

Postscript—That'll do it for another weird week here at Smart Bomb, where our crack staff keeps track of squirt guns in Barcelona so you don't have to. It's tourist season Wilson, and in Barcelona that means the squirt guns are back and yes, tourists are getting wet. Thousands gathered last Sunday protesting tourism and the impacts it has on quality of life in Spain's biggest tourist draw.

The protest followed a workshop put on by the Southern Europe Network Against Tourism. There also were demonstrations against tourism in Venice and Genoa, Italy.

“The general perception is that these people have way more money than we do—they come here to party, to rent places we can’t afford on our wages,” Joan Mas, a 31-year-old waiter living in Barcelona, told The New York Times. “The problem is the tourism model itself: It’s all about serving drinks, about real estate and the hotel industry.” So if you're planning a trip to Barcelona, better bring a raincoat.

Of course, we know a little something about the detrimental impacts of tourism right here in the Beehive State. Thanks to the Utah Office of Tourism and us taxpayers, it's almost impossible to get to ski areas in the Wasatch Mountains, where prices are steeper than the slopes. Our national parks—dubbed “The Mighty Five” by our tourism braintrust—are so crowded during tourist season that you have to enjoy nature in a crowd.

But hey, tourism is an industry where we trade our natural wonders to boost our GDP. And so it goes.

Well Wilson, that was one helluva week, what with The Donald's birthday parade and the No Kings protests. Maybe you and the guys in the band can gin up a little something for the week that will go down in history as the reemergence of the spirit of protest à la USA. So hit it, Wilson:

Well, they tell me of a pie up in the sky
Waiting for me when I die
But between the day you're born and when you die
They never seem to hear even your cry

So as sure as the sun will shine
I'm gonna get my share now, what's mine
And then the harder they come
The harder they fall, one and all

Well, the oppressors are trying to keep me down
Trying to drive me underground
And they think that they have got the battle won
I say forgive them Lord, they know not what they've done

'Cause, as sure as the sun will shine
I'm gonna get my share now, what's mine
And then the harder they come
The harder they fall, one and all

And I keep on fighting for the things I want
Though I know that when you're dead you can't
But I'd rather be a free man in my grave
Than living as a puppet or a slave

So as sure as the sun will shine
I'm gonna get my share now, what's mine
And then the harder they come
The harder they fall, one and all
Ooh, the harder they come
Harder they fall, one and all
“The Harder They Come”—Jimmy Cliff