Porno Times 

The only time I met Deseret News Editor Joe Cannon, we were attending a lecture by author Victor Davis Hanson. Hanson spoke passionately about how Americans must protect and cherish the core values of the Greek heritage—more correctly, the Hellenic heritage—such as democratic service, love of the arts, and free expression. As an expert historian of the Peloponnesian War and the fall of Athens, Hanson also spoke of war then and now. I think Cannon was there because Hanson, like Cannon, is regarded as a neocon.

As such, both men validate war because they believe the virtues of a democratic society comprise a worthy reason for taking up arms. When the lecture ended, I collected an autographed book from Hanson (I like his books on Greece, less so his viewpoints on America) and a handshake commitment from Cannon that we’d meet for lunch. The next day, I sent him an e-mail that he never responded to. My feelings weren’t hurt.

I’m sure he’s far busier than I, trying to preserve his daily newspaper. I’m sure he’s also busy figuring out new ways to attract a stronger LDS readership, a tact I happen to think is the right one for the Deseret News. Even though Cannon’s Mormon Times is about as preachy, corny and condescending to many non-Mormons as it gets, reads like a Sunday sermon on training wheels and has zero relevance to my life, I understand his intent. He wants to give voice to, market, sell and profit by Mormonism. I have no issue with him mining the vein of LDS virtues—like chastity, for instance.

So, imagine my surprise when I found this little pocket rocket on the Deseret News Twitter site. For those of you with Twitter accounts, and assuming you’re reading this before the Deseret News blocks little Eva (if they do), what you’ll see is page 11 of the Deseret News’ list of people it follows on Twitter. Scroll down the list until you come to @BYU177. Between that person and @BYUBroadcasting, you’ll find @evaporn. Click on her link and you’ll get an eyeful worthy of Larry Flynt. You can see her Twitter Tweets, too, none of which I want to copy and paste into this family publication. Besides, as long as I don’t reprint them, I can continue to make the claim I write better than a pimp.

Yeah, yeah, I know: On Twitter, it’s easy to follow something or someone unsavory. I, too, have clicked on someone following me, only to find that person’s “nice view of a Cancun beach” link includes a potpourri of graphic sexual come-ons, photographs and offers. I can either choose to follow that tweeter back—making him or her available for view to anyone viewing my Twitter account—ignore them, or block them. For some reason, someone at the Deseret News decided to follow @evaporn, and anyone scrolling through the Deseret News Twitter site can find her. Other upstanding Deseret News Twitter fans like @MsPrim1 and @AddtoFaith can’t be too pleased.

I’m no prude. City Weekly may follow some dubious sorts, too. But, if and when people want porn, they want it on their terms, not when they’re expecting to be among folks more inclined to give solemn testimonials instead of sexual ones. Finding @evaporn’s lipstick on moralist Joe Cannon’s lapel is a jarring juxtaposition but not entirely surprising. It reminds me of something that occurred about 20 years ago between this newspaper and the Deseret News.

In the late 1980s, this paper began publishing same-sex personals. I can still hear the uproar, and I can still hear my standard retort—“Hey, jackass: Get off my back. Many of those ads originate in Utah County, so you figure out what’s going on, OK?” As well, this paper had no policy regarding 1-900 ads, generically known as phone-sex ads. The ads were graphic, and the messages inside them were, too. It wasn’t my shining moment in publishing. I was embarrassed by them, yet felt an obligation to honor them as legal businesses by printing their ads. In time, embarrassment won. Our policy changed. Some advertisers left us, others toned down—though you’re welcome to disagree.

People were complaining all the time, booting us from distribution points, calling for boycotts and all that. I took each and every nasty phone call. Those ads became—and remain—a stickler, a line in the sand. I don’t believe this or any newspaper should be the community hall monitor (and I ask, why do people expect that of newspapers, but not the Internet?). The more people who complained, the more obvious it became that those doing the complaining weren’t just complaining about the sex ads; they didn’t like this paper, period. They thought all the news they needed landed on their porch every afternoon, and that this paper was blasphemous and evil.

With each complaint, I repeated the same message, which was, “Do you read the Deseret News? Yes? Great. Now, why don’t you call them and ask them to take out their own sex ads? That’s right—the Deseret News runs them, but without the pictures. Does that make you feel better?”

The answer was always no. I usually got an apology. One day, a nice woman called me back and thanked me. She did complain to the Deseret News, and they quit taking sex ads. They took the money while they could, though, and let this paper take the heat. Now, it’s now again. Mistake or not, as long as the Deseret News pretends to relish the role of Utah’s moral compass, it cannot also pretend that following @evaporn points to true north. Say it ain’t so, Joe.

Oh, BTW…. Happy 25th birthday, City Weekly.

Update: As of late evening Wednesday, June 3, the Deseret News no longer follows @evaporn on Twitter. No, really—you're welcome, Joe. Enough with the gushing credit and thanks already. Now just keep it clean, OK pardner?

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