Republicans Cannibalize Their Own in Utah Drama 

We've done it again and it didn't even take child brides, kidnappings, Olympic bribery scandals or Mike Lee. It was the shot heard 'round the world—while poor Mike Pence was in Florida telling the stiffs at the Federalist Society that the vice president has no right to overturn an election, back here in SLC the National Republican Committee huddled deep in the bowels of the Grand America Hotel to figure out how to legally tar and feather Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger.

The pair are the only Republicans who sit on the House Select Committee investigating the Jan. 6 riot and have been asking hard questions about Trump's Big Lie and the patriots who overran the Capitol looking to "hang Mike Pence." The RNC censured Cheney and Kinzinger because of their "persecution of ordinary citizens engaged in legitimate political discourse." If a deadly insurrection isn't legitimate political discourse, what is?

The conservative National Review called the RNC's Utah dictum, "morally repellent." Speaking of eating their own, the GOP chairwoman responsible for the "political discourse" language is Ronna McDaniel, the niece of Mitt Romney, a senator who has been fund-raising for Cheney. He may get his own suit of tar and feathers—but most likely only Mike Pence will be hanged.

Gondola to Link Utah lake Islands to Snowbird
The fabulous new proposal to build 34 islands in Utah Lake wasn't getting anywhere fast, so their engineering brainiacs teamed up with the Little Cottonwood Canyon Gondola people for a boondoggle that is bound to bring people here from all over the world.

The new plan would build a tram from the proposed Utah Lake Islands to Snowbird and Alta—The Greatest Gondola On Earth. "When you think about it, it's a no-brainer," said one investor who remained anonymous so his parents wouldn't cut off his allowance.

Both projects had attracted critics who said the gondola was expensive and stupid and the island-building project was expensiver and stupider. But developers say those folks lack imagination. Think about it, you can leave your lake-side cabana, hop on the gondola and eat lunch at 11,000 feet at Snowbird's' Summit Restaurant—and you don't even have to ski. You can ride the gondola back to Utah Lake in time for evening fishing from your deck. Where else can you do that?

It will be the most ridiculous project in the world. Don't wait! Get in on the Island Gondola ground floor before people from London, Paris, Amsterdam, Tokyo and Moab buy the place up. Of course, there are always environmental concerns, but those critics can be sued into submission. It's as good as a done deal. Act now! (Bitcoin not accepted.)

Shock and Awe: Masked Singer Conspiracy
Things are so weird these days that it's practically impossible to shock anyone. Wait, hold the phone.

Breaking News: Rudy Giuliani—who could be charged with conspiratorial sedition, doubles as Trump's idiot puppet and scurries around Europe trading arms for dirt on Biden—was the featured guest on "The Masked Singer" TV show (we are not making this up). No one told us the Proud Boys were now producing The Masked Singer for the Fox network. Yes, Fox, who else.

So much for the shock value of Trump's first White House spokesman Sean Spicer appearing on "Dancing With The Stars." Ho-hum. So taken aback were "Masked Singer" hosts Ken Jeong and Robin Thicke that they bolted the set fearing they could end up in the same frame with Giuliani after he took off his costume's giant, blonde cupie-doll head—leaving the stunning sight of a huge cupie-doll with a Giuliani head. But hey, we live in a world where the former president rode to fame on reality TV as host of "The Apprentice" for 11 seasons, which qualified him to wear a president's costume and call everyone else fake news.

None of this, however, seems to embarrass the Republican Party. Rudy is, after all, the GOP's answer to "a man for all seasons."

Postscript—That'll do it for another white-knuckle week here at Smart Bomb, where the staff keeps tabs on Utah Congressman Burgess Owens so you don't have to get indigestion. Speaking of which, Democrat Darlene McDonald says she will run against the ultra-MAGA Owens for Utah's 4th Congressional seat. Do you believe in miracles? We certainly could use one.

From our "Who Dat" file, James Huntsman—of The Huntsman Family—has renewed his multi-million dollar suit against the LDS Church after it was tossed out on summary judgment by a federal court in California. His appeal says the old boys in the Tower of Power fraudulently spent his tithing dollars to build the City Creek Center mall, rather than on charitable purposes. Still, the mall does have a spiritual feel about it.

In a Tribune feature on SLC Mayor Erin Mendenhall's first two years—which were marked by a hurricane-level windstorm, a pandemic, an earthquake and police unrest, among other things—Mendenhall is quoted as saying, "I'd be good in an alley fight." Always looking prim and proper and lacking bloody knuckles, it's hard to picture.

Wilson and the band say they wouldn't take her on—a pretty low bar—but as Dizzy Dean used to say, "If you can do it, it ain't braggin."

Alright Wilson, we know you're a lover not a fighter. So you wouldn't be much good to Mayor Erin. But "Her Honor" does need a good theme song to hum while she takes on the next disaster. So get the guys in the band and let it rip:

I see the bad moon a-rising
I see trouble on the way
I see earthquakes and lightning
I see bad times today

Don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise

I hear hurricanes a-blowing
I know the end is coming soon
I fear rivers overflowing
I hear the voice of rage and ruin

Don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise

Hope you got your things together
Hope you are quite prepared to die
Looks like we're in for nasty weather
One eye is taken for an eye

Well, don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise
"Bad Moon Risin'"—John Fogerty