8. “Mommy has to go work
her shift at Trails. Are my turkey
pasties on straight?”
7. “Hurry up and finish eating—
we need to go set up camp outside
Walmart.”
6. “The wine store was closed.
How about a Bud Light Lime
Cran-Brrr-Rita?”
5. “Finally, a holiday without a
mass shooting … oh, wait, never
mind.”
4. “Gather ’round the radio,
kids! It’s almost time for The Best
of InfoWars!”
3. “Grandma isn’t breathing.
Did anybody bring a garment
bag?”
2. “Please respect Bry’lee and
Bastion’s food allergies and enjoy
the soy broth.”
1. “We checked 23andMe again
this year: We’re still white!”