The Mooch: Melania wants Kamala to win. 

Nobody wants Kamala Harris to win the November election more than Melania Trump, the wife of Donald J. Trump and former first lady. That’s according to Anthony Scaramucci—aka “The Mooch”—who served as Trump's White House director of communications for 11 days.

Melania hates her husband and is not keen on four more years in the White House, he told Alex Marquardt on CNN’s The Situation Room. “I judge hatred of Donald Trump by the Melania standard,” Scaramucci said.

Melania has been absent from Trump’s campaign events and his criminal and civil trials. During the Iowa caucuses, Trump critics posted “Melania Missing” posters with the caption: “Have you seen this woman? Where is our First Lady? Why is Donald Trump hiding her? We miss her. Please call 561-832-2600 if found.”

During Trump's hush-money trial earlier this year, porn star Stormy Daniels (real name Stephanie Clifford) testified that she had a sexual encounter with Trump in 2006, one year after he married Melania.

On “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” comedian Martin Short sympathized with the former first lady. “When she entered into this marriage, she had a certain expectation,” he said, “that the average life expectancy for an American male is 76.3 years old."

Time Once AGain to Take Our Land Back—From Ourselves
This could be it. After suing the United States time and again to take control of federal tracts, Utah may now have a chance to get control of our land. We're not screwing around this time, we're going straight to the U.S. Supreme Court to get control of 18 million acres of “unappropriated” land overseen by the BLM.

This could be great, 'cause then we could drill and mine and graze where we want without a bunch of bureaucrats insisting on all kinds of environmental studies. And screw the backpackers. Our god-given lands could be put to good use. Imagine McDonald's and Taco Bell at Arches. Those lands could be making us taxes.

Some people say the state of Utah will spend millions and millions of dollars—again—tilting at windmills. It's true that the state does get 50% of revenues from extractive industries on BLM land. But that's not the point. This is a battle of ideology: Government closest to the people is best—except when Salt Lake City wants to do one of those crazy things like keeping McMansions out of historic neighborhoods or when voters pass an initiative aimed at doing away with gerrymandering.

We have a duty to our rightwing power brokers to grandstand for freedom from ourselves. And it won't be over till Clarence Thomas sings Bizet's “Toreador.”

Spencer and the Waffle House
For years, Spencer Cox wouldn't eat waffles. No sir, he insisted on pancakes. His Uncle Gary taught him that pancakes are good.

True, pancakes can be boring. But boring is, in the end, less than it's cracked up to be—and no one is offended. Pancakes, that's the ticket.

But then something came over Spencer and one day when no one was looking he snuck off to Waffle House and ordered a classic waffle with butter and syrup. Ordinarily, ordering a waffle in secret isn't that big of a deal in Utah, unless you get caught. But Spencer snuck off to Waffle House again and again. He really started to waffle—people wondered if it's because this is an election year.

Then one day, Spencer just came out and ordered a sickeningly sweet chocolate chip waffle. Next he got a trans bathroom waffle; and then it was a DEI waffle. Before you knew it, he had—wait for it—a Donald waffle.

People were perplexed that Spencer could waffle so much. He was once a nice farm boy who was into pancakes. And then one day, Spencer found himself at the hallowed Arlington Cemetery waffling with Donald over the graves of fallen soldiers, grinning like a skunk eating garlic waffles with two thumbs up.

Some waffles are just sickening. They may seem good at the time but that doesn't mean they'll go down so well.

Postscript—That's a wrap for another week of anxiety here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of the realignment of college football so you don't have to. Listen to this Wilson, the PAC 12 is now the PAC 2. The Big 12 now has 16 teams. The Big 10 has 18 teams, including USC and UCLA. Two other west coast teams, Cal and Stanford, are now in the Atlantic Coast Conference (ACC).

What's it all about? M-O-N-E-Y. Each team in the Southeastern Conference (SEC)—16 teams —and Big 10 will earn $21 million in TV revenue this season. Each Big 12 team, including Utah and BYU, will make $31.7 million in TV revenue. Washington Post columnist George Will put it this way: “Big-time college football has shucked off the accumulated hypocrisies that have encrusted it and now stands before us with an agreeable lack of pretense: It is an unembarrassable money machine, nothing more.”

Will Leitch of New York Magazine had this observation: “[I]n the long term, when you pattern yourself after the NFL ... when you jettison the traditions and orthodoxies that made people fall in love with the sport in the first place, you stop being college football: You simply become Minor League NFL. And no one cares about minor league anything.”

Well Wilson, you and they guys in the band don't know a helluva lot about football. Sure, you went to the games in college, but you just sat up in the bleachers smoking weed. That said, you've got to have something up your sleeve to celebrate the pigskin season that is upon us. So, wake up the band and take us on outa here:

Backfield in motion, yeah
I'm gonna have to penalize you
Backfield in motion, baby
You know that's against the rules

'Cause I caught you with your
Backfield in motion, yeah I
'm gonna have to penalize you
Backfield in motion, baby
You know that's against the rules
“Backfield In Motion”—Melvin Hardin and Timothy McPherson