Toad Tripping 

"Please Don't Lick the Toads," warns the National Park Service. Hey Wilson, have you heard about psychedelic toads? For real. The Sonoran Desert Toad—aka Bufo alvarius—excretes an hallucinogenic stuff called Bufotenin.

But before the guys in the band get too excited they should know it could be dicey if they take too many toad licks— you can OD on this stuff. Bufotenin, also known 5-MeO-DMT, is a white milky psychedelic that can be snorted, inhaled or smoked and produces a 30-minute psychedelic trip. That's cool 'cause there's nothing worse than a 12-hour bummer acid trip.

But frog tripping can be scary, too, according to "How To Change Your Mind" author Michael Pollan, who said it is like being strapped to the outside of a rocket ship. Other toad trippers say it's heavenly. The magic toads live in Colorado, Arizona and New Mexico.

Crazy people in tie-dye T-shirts wander the parks hunting Bufos and have been so successful they are decimating the toad populations. They sometimes cram the toads by the hundreds into bags and steal them from their natural habitats.

Scientists are urging the use of synthetic 5-MeO-DMT to keep the magic toads from disappearing altogether. It would be the responsible thing to do. What do you think,Wilson. Responsible toad tripping?

Return to Normalcy
Times have changed—sorta. In 1920, Warren G. Harding's presidential campaign slogan was "Return to Normalcy." Hard to believe in 2022 with the Republican Party apparently having licked too many psychedelic toads.

Harding's campaign came on the heels of World War I and the 1918 Spanish Flu epidemic, and it sought to calm the panicked nation. Not exactly like Trump and MAGA and their new normal called post-fact America.

In 1920, the country was reeling—116,000 Americans died in the war and 675,000 perished during the pandemic. People were freaking out and Harding and "normalcy" won in a landslide with 60% of the vote. Alternative medicine and anti-science hysteria swept across the country.

Sound familiar? Racism was on the rise as was anti-immigration politics. "Xenophobia goes hand in hand with pandemics [since] the beginning of time," said science writer Laura Spinney.

So let's take stock: xenophobia—check; racism—check; anti-science—check; return to normalcy—forget about it.

You could argue that "Make America Great Again" referred to a return to something—maybe white Christian Nationalism, which in some places might be seen as normal. Soon, House Republicans will be working toward their normalcy, too. Duck and cover!

GOP For a Good Economy—Well, Not Exactly
Republicans are so much better at sloganeering than Democrats. It's just the truth. "Make American Great Again." "It's Morning in America." "Bleeding-heart Liberals." "Tax and Spend Democrats."

Republicans have convinced a lot of folks that conservatives are better for the economy. Ha! Since 1933, the economy has grown at an annual average rate of 4.6% under Democratic presidents and 2.4% under Republican presidents, according to The New York Times.

Trickle Down Economics was the centerpiece of the Reagan Administration. Some trickle. It's been shown to be bogus many times, but the GOP keeps bringing it back like a yeast infection.

Case in point: Trump's huge tax cuts for the wealthy. Their other battlecry, "deregulation," gives us dirty water, dirty air and the filthy rich. While Republicans have held tight to Arthur Laffer's supply-side economics—some laugher—Dems have embraced John Maynard Keynes: in an economic downturn the government must spend more not less.

It's hard for the Dems to make the case for Keynesian economics because sloganeering isn't their bag. Here are some examples of Democrat's slogans: Go Big Or Go Home; Impossible Is Nothing; If It's Worth Doing, It's Worth Overdoing and Defeat Isn't Bitter If You Don't Swallow It. Oh boy.

Postscript—That's it for another arm-chair-quarterbacking week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of new flags so you don't have to. You may not know this, Wilson, but both Salt Lake City and the State of Utah have new flags.

Why? The staff here at Smart Bomb hasn't a clue. Maybe we're trying to join the western world again, or maybe the city and state government just ran out of things to do.

Now from our "fried chicken" file: KFC in Germany celebrated the Nazis recently with this promotion: "It's memorial day for Kristallnacht!" That "Night of Broken Glass" pogrom in 1938 left more than 90 people dead, destroyed Jewish-owned businesses and places of worship and is seen as the beginning of the Holocaust. It gives "finger lickin' good," a whole new meaning.

The colonel later apologized.

Here's an item from our "clean living" file: Americans die younger in red states than they do in blue states. A new study indicates "that changing policies in all states to a fully liberal orientation might have saved 171,030 lives in 2019, while changing them to a fully conservative orientation might have cost 217,635 lives."

Yeah, but what about all the money the red states didn't spend trying to save lives. It's just another case of the liberal media bias toward the truth.

OK Wilson, the guys in the band want to score some Bufotenin and go chasing White Rabbits. But you can't find 5-MeO-DMT at Walgreens—it's illegal. Surprise. And toad trippin' vendors are hard to find. But if we know the band, they'll get a line on it. For now, how about something nice for our amphibian friends — psychedelic or not:

Jeremiah was a bullfrog
He was a good friend of mine
I never understood a single word he said
But I helped him drink his wine
And he always had some mighty fine wine.

Singin' joy to the world, now
All the boys and girls, now
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me.

If I were the King of the world
Tell you what I'd do
Throw away the cars and the bars and the wars
And make sweet love to you
Just make sweet love to you

Singin' Joy to the world
All the boys and girls, now
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea.
Joy to you and me.

You know I love the ladies
Love to have their fun
I'm a high night flier and a rainbow rider
A straight-shootin' son of a gun.
Yeah, I'm a straight shootin' son of a gun.

Everybody sing it: Joy to the world, now
All the boys and girls, now
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me.
"Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog"—Hoyt Axton