Top 10 Reasons to Live in Utah 

10. Tequila Lime Jell-O Shooters.
9. Pregnant women and their fetuses driving in carpool lanes.
8. Ponzi schemes and the real Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
7. Proposed $550 million gondola up Little Cottonwood Canyon
6. Disappearing Great Salt Lake
5. Best alfalfa (upstream from Great Salt Lake)
4. Insurrectionist and great American Mike Lee
3. Greatest Air On Earth
2. U.S. Magnesium Corp. (upwind from the Wasatch Front)
1. And the best reason to live in Utah: The State Legislature

UFO Coverup
They're here! Have you seen 'em? Maybe not. They reportedly have cloaking devices, like the Klingons on Star Trek. (We are not making this up.)

Republican Tennessee Congressman Tim Burchett accused The Pentagon of "a huge coverup" following the release last month of a report for the Director of National Intelligence (DNI) that acknowledged hundreds of UFO sightings last year alone. Some could be plastic bags or those Trump diaper balloons, but at least 171 were deemed to be what the military calls "unidentified aerial phenomena" (UAP).

"If you were human and made the turns that have been seen in some of this footage, you would literally turn into a ketchup packet," Burchett said. Yes, Wilson, he said, "ketchup." And no, they weren't Chinese spy balloons.

Ronald Moultrie, under secretary of defense for intelligence and security, said there is no evidence that "would lead us to believe that any of the objects are of alien origin." Sure. Burchett isn't convinced—he doesn't trust the feds when it comes to aliens from space.

What's hard to figure, though, is why they never land and say, "Hi," like in the 1977 movie, Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Or maybe they're already here, as in the 1993 sci-fi film, The Body Snatchers. That at least would explain Marjorie Taylor Greene.

House GOP Condemns Stalin, Mao and Medicare
For anyone who thinks Republicans, with their new majority in the House, aren't accomplishing much—think again. They approved a resolution condemning the 1917 Russian Revolution. Bluster? No way, getting tough on Vladimir Lenin after 105 years is, let's see, unfriggin' real.

The brave GOP caucus also went after Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong and Pol Pot. If that doesn't strike fear into the hearts of Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping, what would? But maybe it should give Democrats pause, as well. Hey stupid, don't look at the man behind the curtain.

The demonization of communism and socialism couldn't also pertain to Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security, could it? Mmmm ...

Some 109 Democrats voted with Republicans, not figuring the swinging door of faux patriotism could smack them in the ass. Republicans despise Medicare and Social Security—although they won't say that out loud. It's all mind games, of course, but when the GOP damned communism and socialism—again—some wobbly Dems followed suit fearing they'd get punked. But they got punked anyway, joining the "America the Beautiful" chorus: "and crowned thy good with brotherhood not stinkin' commie comradehood from sea to shining sea." Obamacare—what's that?

Postscript—That's a wrap for another wintry week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of Chinese spy balloons so you don't have to. The sky is falling! Yes Wilson, we've all had a gutful of Chinese balloons. Truth is they've been floating overhead for years, but the Pentagon didn't tell Trump because ... well, the less he knew the better.

And speaking of brave men, Rep. Andrew Clyde (R-Ga.) was handing out assault-rifle lapel pins on Capitol Hill because they're so good for mass shootings. After the Jan. 6 insurrection, he said the rioters were just tourists taking a stroll through the historic building. But video of that day shows him cowering behind an officer as the mob pounded on the House doors. Maybe a dog-poop lapel pin would be more apropos.

Republican Gov. Spencer Cox recently proclaimed that "we"—apparently himself and GOP lawmakers—would not let the Great Salt Lake Dry up. Meanwhile, the Senate Natural Resources, Agriculture and Environment committee voted down a proposal to keep the lake level at a minimum of 4,198 feet. All Republican members voted against the plan. Wonder if they represent alfalfa growers. Not to worry, Cox has an ace up his sleeve—he met with Latter-day Saint Church leaders to aid him in seeking help from a higher authority. We'll see how that goes.

Hey Wilson, we earthlings should do more to entice the aliens to come on down. Well OK, maybe we could invite them to the Sturges motorcycle rally. But that could be confusing. The first alien might say something like, "What are those humanoids doing on those two-wheelers? To which the second alien might respond: "I don't know, but the ones driving call the ones on the back, Mama." Alright, instead maybe you and the band could invite them down with a song:

Woke up this morning with light in my eyes
And then realized it was still dark outside
It was a light comin' down from the sky
I don't know who or why

Must be those strangers that come every night
Whose saucers shaped light put people up tight
Leave blue green footprints that glow in the dark
I hope they get home all right

Hey Mr.Spaceman, won't you please take me along
I won't do anything wrong
Hey Mr.Spaceman, won't you please take me along
For a ride
Woke up this mornin',
I was feeling quite weird
Had flies in my beer, my tooth paste was smeared
I opened my window, they'd written my name
Said: "So long, we'll see you again".

Hey Mr.Spaceman, won't you please take me along
I won't do anything wrong
Hey Mr.Spaceman, won't you please take me along
For a ride
"Mr. Spaceman"—The Byrds