Trumpian discourse and Arnold Palmer’s schwanzstucker 

Well Wilson, the political desk here at Smart Bomb has been rendered speechless—and that's really saying something. At a rally Saturday, former President Donald Trump spun a tale relating to the size of Arnold Palmer's manhood. An issue-oriented campaign—not exactly.

On the campaign trail, Trump has praised fictional killer Hannibal Lecter, said he'd rather die by shark than from electrocution, did a Robert E. Lee impression, claimed magnets don't work under water and that Haitians in Ohio are eating people's pets. His Arnold Palmer story, however, easily set the low-water mark, at least for now.

Stumping in the golfing great's birthplace, Latrobe, Pa., Trump guffawed: “When he took showers with other pros, they came out of there. They said, ‘Oh my God. That’s unbelievable.’” You're right Wilson, Portugal is looking better all the time.

CNN's Jake Tapper pressed House Speaker Mike Johnson on the off-color comments: “This is really the closing message you want voters to hear from Donald Trump, stories about Arnold Palmer’s penis?” True to form, apologizer Johnson wouldn't criticize Trump, saying the episode was just part of the “fun” at his rallies. If that isn't fun, what is?

Then, pretending to talk to Kamala Harris at the rally, Trump said, “You're a shit vice president,” and “a radical left Marxist.” Later, referring to the Biden administration, he said, “Everything they touch turns to shit.” And if that isn't presidential, what is?

Six Million Bucks to Cry Wolf
Utah lawmakers set aside close to $6 million to keep wolves out of The Beehive State. It's working like you wouldn't believe—there isn't a single wolf in sight. Well OK Wilson, you're right, there weren't any wolves here before the greenbacks flew away, but why argue with success.

The Salt Lake Tribune reports that an audit found the money just kinda evaporated. But look, why worry about where all that taxpayer dough went—they spent it to keep wolves at bay and ta-da ... no wolves! What do you want?

Utah Republican leaders hate wolves and for good reason; if there were any lobos around here they'd eat all the calves and lambs. It gives lawmakers nightmares just to think about it. Wolves were once common throughout Utah and North America, but were hunted to near-extinction by the early 20th Century. Now they're protected under the Endangered Species Act and lawmakers don't like it—the only good wolf is a dead wolf. They argue that Utah should have management authority for wolves. Problem is, “auditors couldn’t determine what actions were taken toward that goal.” Picky, picky, picky.

Thirty years ago, wolves were reintroduced into Yellowstone National Park and ... well OK, they helped restore the natural ecology. “An ecosystem with all its parts functioning is crucial for long-term resilience,” said conservationist Aldo Leopold. But our ecosystem here in Zion is just fine without no stinkin' wolves, thank you very much. Your tax dollars at work—or not.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy—Sports District to be So Cool!
Hey Wilson, if you're worried about the proposed sports/entertainment district downtown and the $900 million it gets from local sales tax, you shouldn't be. Nope. The Salt Lake City Council just penned a bright epistle that says, basically, “don't worry, be happy.”

The dispatch in The Salt Lake Tribune reads, in part: “We’ve chosen to invest in our downtown through this timely opportunity. While many of the specifics are still in the works, we are confident this agreement [with Ryan Smith and Smith Entertainment] sets us on the path to an exciting future.” See Wilson, nothing to worry about.

This is bigger than Brigham Young's first distillery and boy, did it liven up the place. No doubt, Salt Lake City is due for a makeover so it doesn't become a ghost town with tumbleweeds blowing around. The sports and entertainment district will be like a little bit of Paris. Oh, you're right Wilson, we already have “a little bit of Paris” on Temple Square. OK, what about, “a little bit of Milwaukee?”

Well anyway, the council says it's much more than the NBA and the NHL. Sure, we'll have the Jazz and the Coyotes—aka “Utah Hockey Club”—but we'll also have other stuff that will make Mr. Toad's Wild Ride look like ... well, Disneyland. The soon-to-be new downtown is going to be so cool that Council members (fingers crossed behind their backs) just can't help but pat themselves on the back about a plan even Joseph Smith would just love. He was a big hockey fan, we're told.

Postscript—That's about it for another jittery week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of AI so you don't have to. Hey Wilson, do you know what AI is? Yes, it's “artificial intelligence.” But what is artificial intelligence? Whatever it is, it seems to be everywhere.

For the tech-challenged, like the staff here at Smart Bomb, AI could be anything. Advertisers aren't helping. It reminds us of an old Saturday Night Live skit where squirrels are loaded into a machine that looks like a giant Waring Blender. You turn it on and out comes a squirrel-fur coat. AI is magic.

But seriously folks, AI “enables machines to perform tasks that previously only humans can do, like generating written content, steering a car, or analyzing data.” That conjures up some scary ideas, like in Stanley Kubrick's 1968 film 2001: A Space Odyssey, in which a supercomputer, HAL 9000, seeks to take control of the Discovery One spacecraft from astronauts headed for Jupiter. Or what about the 2013 flick Her, where Joaquin Phoenix falls in love with a computer software called Samantha, whose sexy voice is played by Scarlett Johansson. Yes Wilson, we know, the guys in the band could really get behind that.

AI could help us make advancements in everything from education, finance, transportation, healthcare and on and on. But you also could imagine a world completely controlled by AI and robots. They could enslave humans or eradicate them. Call it progress.

Well Wilson, you have to ask yourself—if AI dominates the future, will we have any more Donald Trumps? Dream on. Nonetheless, according to trends, many more people may be having close personal relationships with AI and robots. It could be a good thing—better than those life-size blow-up dolls.

We know you and the guys in the band have an anthem for this, so, hit it, Wilson:

I want a robot man to hold me tight
One that I can count on every single night
He wouldn't run around like other guys
I wouldn't have to listen to his alibis

Don't want a real live boy, they give me grief
Always make me cry into a handkerchief
So it's a robot man I'm dreamin' of
Because I can depend upon a robot love
“Robot Man”—Connie Francis