Utah Sen. John Curtis scolds Congress for “outsourcing” to the White House. 

Hold the phone. Stop the music. Don't look now, but Utah Sen. John Curtis—a one-time Democrat turned Republican—said in a floor speech that Congress should start taking responsibility rather than ceding its constitutional authority to the Trump administration.

What the hell? Pinch yourself Wilson, you're not dreaming. Listen to this: “When morality is outsourced to either the market or the state, society has no substance, only systems. And systems are not enough,” Curtis said, quoting Rabbi Jonathan Sacks.

Whoa baby! In these political times, when Republicans dare not look askance, that's like a Richter 7 earth-shaker. The chandeliers must be swinging at Mar-A-Lago.

Fresh from a trip to the Holocaust Museum, Curtis, the former mayor of Provo, observed: “I kept asking, How? How did so many participate? How did others stand by? How did some serve to enable? How have so many already forgotten?” Holy shit Wilson, nobody said, Third Reich or uttered the “H-word,” but hey, if the metaphor fits ...

“We are outsourcing responsibility,” Curtis said. “Congress outsources lawmaking to the executive branch. Communities outsource compassion to agencies. Parents outsource teaching values to institutions. Citizens outsource critical thinking to curated social media feeds.” Well, that just about covers it. Of course, it doesn't mean the rest of the GOP want to hear him—but it's a start.

Shells on Beach Spell Assasination and 2 + 2 = 5
If you're going to the beach this summer, you'd better watch out. Depending on which shells you see washed up on the sand, you could be accused of high crimes and misdemeanors—or even conspiracy to commit murder.

It could be even worse than penning an opinion column for your college newspaper supporting Palestinians and calling for the slaughter to end in Gaza. It might even be worse than having tattoos on your knuckles that don't spell “MS-13.”

For example, let's say you're a former director of the FBI and you're out for a stroll on the beach, after which you post a picture of sea shells that look like, “86 47.” Well, it's obvious what that means, according to scary people who run this country right now. It means assassinate the president.

This sounds like Orwellian fiction—evil thugs doing evil things while twisting the truth into a pretzel. But it's not fiction. The former FBI director is James Comey, who was fired by Trump in May 2017. ICE Barbie, aka Kristi Noem, the Homeland Security boss, and Tulsi Gabbard, director of intelligence, say it's clear that Comey was ordering a hit on President Trump. They promise to investigate him to the fullest extent of the law. Gabbard went so far as to say Comey should be in jail right now.

You're right Wilson, maybe it's best not to take your phone to the beach. Or maybe it's best if you just don't go to the beach at all. Or maybe we should unplug all of our devices and hide under the bed because two plus two still does not equal five.

A Trump Third Term—Why the Hell Not
Things are going so swimmingly well in the four months since Donald J. Trump regained the mantle of the presidency that he and his minions are talking up a third term. Won't that be beautiful Wilson? He could be the Fidel Castro of America, outfits notwithstanding.

Since January 20, Trump has remade global trade with on-again, off-again tariffs that have shown the world just how powerful he is. And that's just the beginning. He got the world's richest man—who has a lot of empathy—to take a chainsaw to the federal government and do away with weather forecasters, Social Security offices, IRS staffers, Veteran Affairs personnel, some 5,400 Defense Department workers and employee cuts to the Department of Health and Human Services, the Department of Homeland Security, the National Park Service, the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, the Department of Agriculture, the Inspectors General, the Department of Justice, the State Department and the Energy Department—some 30,000 employees in total.

All that in just four months. And hey, he's just getting started. There are going to be big budget cuts for Medicaid and food stamps, assistance to food banks and school nutrition programs, green energy subsidies, rental assistance programs, pollution controls and public safety.

Look at all the money the federal government will save. Unfortunately, Trump's budget will add trillions to the national debt due to splendiferous tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans. Think “trickle down.”

Postscript—Another fab week is in the books here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of the shrinking Great Salt Lake so you and the Utah Legislature don't have to.

“Don't Worry Be Happy” is the motto the Republican-controlled state House is using for the lake. God will bring more snow storms—despite climate change—which will fill up the lake as runoff. Such good news.

In the meantime, more than 1,000 square miles of lakebed and easterly winds spell nothing good for Salt Lake County residents. Lakebed sediments contain harmful elements, such as aluminum, antimony, arsenic, copper, uranium and vandium. Saving the lake would require northern Utah farmers to stop growing alfalfa, which drinks water like there's no tomorrow. Lately, 30% of that crop is shipped to China. The fix seems like a no-brainer—but it's hard to fix things these days.

Here's something else from our “produce” file. Former Utah Tech University President Richard Williams left a departing gift—two eggplants and a long zucchini, arranged like male genitalia. Nice touch. A misconduct investigation by the university concluded with no findings. Better call Sherlock.

And finally, from our “So Long Joe Biden” file—as various political leaders sent well-wishes to the former president after announcing he had prostate cancer, Utah Sen. Mike Lee responded to a post like this: “Medical malpractice or fraud, which was it.” Mr. Empathy strikes again.

Well shucks Wilson, the beach has become more dangerous than we thought. Maybe you and the guys in the band could find a beach without seashells so you won't get charged with treason or something. Or maybe just go to a beach in Mexico. Great idea, so why don't you take us out with a little Mexican beach theme:

Nibblin' on sponge cake
Watchin' the sun bake
All of those tourists covered with oil
Strummin' my six-string
On my front-porch swing
Smell those shrimp
They're beginnin' to boil

Wasting away again in Margaritaville
Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt
Some people claim
That there's a woman to blame
But I know, it's my own damn fault
“Margaritaville”—Jimmy Buffett