Walk of Shame 

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Walk of Shame
"It's just a biohazard issue," the pilot told air traffic control. And indeed, the Delta Airlines Airbus A350 was forced to return to Atlanta after two hours in the air on Sept. 1 after a passenger suffered an "onboard medical emergency": uncontrollable diarrhea that left the entire length of the aisle covered in fecal matter. The Guardian reported that passengers said the flight crew did everything they could to clean up the mess, including spraying it with scented disinfectant. But that merely made the cabin "smell of vanilla s--t," one traveler said. Back in Atlanta, passengers, including the afflicted traveler, waited eight hours for the plane to be cleaned up and the aisle carpet to be replaced, then reboarded and were on their way to Barcelona—again.

Bright Idea
A 38-year-old man and a 55-year-old woman have been arrested in the central Shanxi province of China, China Daily reported, for digging a shortcut through the Great Wall of China. Local police were alerted to the damage on Aug. 24 and followed tracks from an excavator back to the suspects, who explained that they needed the shortcut to get back and forth to their construction jobs. The Great Wall is a UNESCO World Heritage Site, which has reportedly been "damaged beyond repair." The two were charged with destroying a cultural relic.

Awesome!
Tennessean Tami Manis is going to see her name in the 2024 edition of the Guinness World Records book after 34 years of hard work ... not getting haircuts. United Press International reported on Aug. 31 that Manis' mullet, measured at 5 feet, 8 inches long, earned her the prize in the female competitive mullet category. She had not cut the "party in the back" section of her hair since Feb. 9, 1990. "I've had people recognize me from 20 years ago because I've kept the same hairstyle," she said. "This is amazing."

What Could Go Wrong?
Frick and Riverview Parks in Pittsburgh have a problem: The deer population has grown to the point that the animals are dangerous to themselves and humans, Fox News reported. "With no natural predators, we are seeing an increase in car-deer collisions, relentless damage to our ecosystem and unnatural aggression toward pets and people," the city's website reads. What to do? The city is going to randomly pick 30 archers to participate in "a pilot program with archery-controlled hunts ... during the 2023-2024 deer archery season," the city announced. Hopeful hunters will be part of a lottery system, and final participants must have a clean background check and a deer permit. In addition, "the selected archers will be required to attend an accuracy test" and will be confined to a specific area of the park to hunt. Those who kill more than two deer in their area will be given preference for subsequent seasons, according to the city. Keep that orange vest handy.

That's One Way To Do It
A woman in China's Fuzhou City is facing a prison sentence of three years and a $27,000 fine after she chewed her way to a new iPhone at an Apple store. According to the South China Morning Post, the woman, surnamed Qiu, entered the store and made a beeline to the phone display. She was seen on surveillance video examining an iPhone 14 (worth about $950), then looking around to make sure no one was watching. Then she put the anti-theft cable in her mouth and chewed through it, secured the phone in her bag and left the store. Store employees noticed the severed cable and contacted police, who were able to track Qiu and arrest her at her home. She told them she planned to buy an iPhone but balked at the price and decided to steal one instead.

Least Competent Criminal
Nicholas Coffey, 23, couldn't resist bragging on social media about his "new" Mercedes-Benz on Sept. 2, which made it easier for cops to track him down, Fox News reported. Coffey and an accomplice used the stolen car to break into other vehicles on Deltona, Florida, residential streets during the early morning hours, then stopped at a gas station, where Coffey was captured on surveillance video. Volusia County detectives caught up with him the following morning and arrested him on multiple charges.

Clothing Optional
The Chicago Park District just couldn't let the city's nudists have a little fun on Labor Day. Early that morning, someone posted a sign at Loyola Beach along Lake Michigan declaring "Nude Beach Past This Sign," WLS-TV reported. But, alderman Maria Hadden scolded, the sign was unofficial and "cheeky," and workers had it removed by that evening. Hadden did share that in 1932, alderman George A. Williston proposed a resolution to create a nude sunbathing beach in the same location. Great minds ...

Inexplicable
Patrick Spina IV, 45, of Absecon, New Jersey, is facing criminal mischief charges after a bizarre series of stunts starting in June, WPVI-TV reported. After the Quality Inn in Galloway Township was targeted about a dozen times with a bright green dye launched into its outdoor pool by a drone, Sandra Woolston, the general manager, said she "had a meltdown" because the pool was largely unusable. In August, police got a call about a similar incident from a resident who was swimming in his pool when the dye was cast. The sea dye, normally used in search and rescue efforts, is damaging to swimming pools. Police got in touch with the FAA and learned the drone was operated by Spina. Detectives could not supply a motive but said they believed he was "pranking people." "He was getting too happy with doing it," Woolston said.

Crime Report
Xuming Li, 36, a Ph.D. candidate in the University of South Florida's chemistry department, has been charged with multiple counts of battery, aggravated stalking and possession of a controlled substance after he targeted his neighbors, The New York Times reported on Aug. 27. Umar Abdullah, who lived above Li in a Tampa Bay condominium building, first started smelling a chemical odor in May. He believed it caused his family to experience breathing difficulties and burning eyes. For nearly a year, Li had "complained about footsteps. He complained about door closing sounds," Abdullah said. The chemical odor came back in June, so Abdullah installed a hidden camera pointed at his front door, which captured Li on June 27 "injecting something" at the entrance. Preliminary testing showed the substances to be methadone and hydrocodone. Li was released on bond and will appear in court in December.

Saw That Coming
A 20-year-old Swiss man was taken to the hospital on Aug. 21 after trying not once, but twice, to put his face on the water nozzle at Geneva, Switzerland's Jet d'Eau, the BBC reported. The attraction projects 110 gallons of water per second, reaching a height of 459 feet. His first attempt resulted in him being thrown backward; on his second try, he was thrown into the air and landed on a nearby cement walkway. He then dived into Lake Geneva, where officers found him and sought medical care for him. The company that operates the fountain intends to file a complaint against him for trespassing.

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